Dream. Part 4.
This is the final piece of a 4 part series on dreaming. The first two parts are of dreams I’ve recently had, parts 3 and 4 are reflections and examinations.
What do I think makes me dream? I think it’s my mind trying to communicate with me, whether it be my unconscious self, my memory, or my thoughts. In essence, anything my mind wishes it could communicate to me, but can’t, it does so in dreams.
Before I continue I want to make something clear: I hate to dream. I am actually scared of what my mind needs to tell me. To know that some of my dreams are as fucked up as they are, many hundreds of which I don’t even have written down here, and that my mind is the one creating them, it seriously scares me.
Why are most of my dreams about anxiety?
Dreams about anxiety are very strange for me. The reason they’re so strange is that when I wake up after having a dream related to anxiety, I become severely severely depressed. I hate myself every morning I wake up from an anxiety dream. This is because I wasn’t in control of myself or the situation, but I wish that I had done something different to make the outcome more favorable. Drowning, punching my sister, destroying a man’s house, or even being trapped in a dark void/basement thing, all those I wish i did something different to fix it.
However, soon after giving myself more time to wake up and reflect on the dream, I realize that my dream was giving me a warning. It was telling me I need to stand up and take action in situations and stop letting the situation control me. Too many times in my life I could have done things differently if I only had the balls enough to do it. Whether it be something small like deciding whether or not I want junk food or as major as what am I going to do for the rest of my life. My anxiety is related to my indecisiveness and my dreams is my mind communicating to me that I need to take action.
Why do I dream about being alone?
I have separation issues. In all honesty, I like the status quo and I do not like to change. I do not want to move out of my house, I don’t want my own apartment, I don’t want to find a new job, I will not pass go, I will not collect 200 dollars.
My dream on being alone, trapped in the dark. It was my mind telling me to be okay with myself, to take comfort in being alone. That dream felt like it lasted forever, I was hanging on for my own life and even had to deal with those fucking spiders. Those are in line with my mind telling me to become comfortable with myself. My mind wants me to learn to settle on my own and not rely on others so much. My mind wants me to overcome my fears and not have such a large separation issue.
What do recurring dreams mean?
Running the catwalks in the Post Office, every time I have that dream the scenery changes a bit, however the dream always remains the same. It’s me in the Post Office, starting at point A and trying to move my way to point B. I can do anything, I can climb, run, jump, probably fly if I needed, I’m invincible.
This dream is my mind giving me confidence. I can make the trip from point A to B as long as I set a steady pace to get there and try not to go overboard with it. My work at Photogenic or even Macy’s is a perfect example of this. When I first started to work at each place, it was a rocky start and I wasn’t sure how things would work out, but I stuck the course and at Macy’s I quickly became a Sales Specialist and at Photogenic, I’m god, (or Supervisor, same thing).
What about those people in your dreams? The ones you never met?
That goes in my “unknown” category. I feel that in the course of nature there’s an answer for everything, but it’s impossible for one to comprehend every answer to everything. I don’t know why my mind makes images of people I’ve never seen, objects I don’t know, or places I haven’t seen.
The answer I theorize is this: I have seen them before. Whether it be a picture, a quick glimpse or even obscuring reality, I have to have seen them before. Is it possible for a mind to create an object it hasn’t seen before with no prior knowledge to understanding it’s existence? Can your mind picture a circle if it as only seen squares? Can your mind see colors if you cannot yourself? That I don’t have the answer for, but I believe we cannot imagine things we haven’t seen before and therefor, I have to have seen them before in order for my mind to have created them.
Dreams that you feel?
It’s entirely hard to describe this unless you’ve had the dreams before yourself. They’re like a gut decision where you feel it inside you rather than what your mind is telling you. In dreams that I can feel the people or objects around me, it’s similar to when you think someone is behind you, you have that feeling. Except in reality we can turn around to see if something’s there, we’re in control, but in dreams I can only take what is given. These dreams didn’t allow me to turn around to see anyone, rather the only reason I knew why people were around me was that I could feel they were there.
Is it mind tricks that causes this? Is there a message trying to be sent out here like “don’t look back,” or other things? I’m not sure yet. Over time I’ll learn from it and try to figure it out, but right now I’m not sure.
One day, when I’m old and have all the answers I am looking for, I’ll become a happy person. That day may also be the day I die, I can’t tell you for sure, but I can tell you to listen to what your mind is telling you. That bitch is holding back some serious info.
Thank You
-Joe

