Joe, a loyal disciple

Ever given thought to certain things like, why do I enjoy watching people cry? Sure, you might not be as disturbed as me, but I have a passion in watching people cry. Whether it be some kid getting knocked the fuck out after falling off his skateboard, a girl crying after her boyfriend dumped her because she’s a slut, or even a child at the mall crying its eyes out in the stroller. I love to hear people cry.

However, making people cry, it’s the complete opposite, and I don’t mean hitting them or anything physical to make them cry, I mean intense emotional harm type deal. That is quite possibly the most painful experience in the world, because in making someone cry this way, you have to know them one way or another, which really doesn’t help your situation. Watching this person you care about, this person you love so much, watching them bawl their eyes out while you just stand there. You have no idea what to say and all you want is for them to stop, but no, they continue to sit there crying, pouring out all their emotion and it wont stop. Whatever it is you’ve done, it hurts.

You start feeling horrible, standing there watching this person cry and cry. Your emotions are starting to rip through you, sorrow, regret and then, all of a sudden, this sharp pain starts ripping through your chest, your muscles everywhere stiffen up and all of a sudden, this person’s crying starts to physically hurt. You’re watching this person cry and it hurts emotionally and physically and it’s not even you that’s hurt and crying, imagine their pain.

What have you done? Does it even matter at this point? They’re sitting there crying and there’s nothing you can do. It’s like watching your mother bleed to death and you can only watch, it’s horrifying. However, instead of death consuming them, this person, here, crying, will continue to live with this pain. Nothing you can ever do will remove this thought, this feeling, this pain from their memory. When they think about you, they’ll think about this moment, as much as they wish they wouldn’t have to remember this memory when they think of you, they will.

I thought you liked to hear people cry Joe, what the hell? I do, I love it, but I hate it when I’m the one that does it, and you know why? Most of the times I’ve made someone cry is because I’d do as a please, I wouldn’t think, and I’d do whatever I wanted at the spur of the moment. This has hurt a lot of girls in many ways.

The point here is you need to think. Not play out all the possible scenarios in your head, but to seriously sit there and think. Is what I’m doing wrong? Is someone going to end up hurt? Emotions aren’t games, they’re real, and they’re superbly linked to our memory. When someone feels hate or pain, do you really want them to be thinking of you? You can prevent it by thinking first and acting second.

Take a moment out of your day and ask yourself, “Is what I am doing right?”

-Joe
From: Thoughts on ex-girlfriends and past troubles I’ve experienced

First of all, Carolyn’s party Tuesday was lots of fun. I ended up a little bit drunk and we talked the night away. But I don’t think I’m allowed to DJ ever again haha.

Wednesday morning I woke up at about 6 in the morning which was pretty brutal to say the least, considering I fell asleep around 4am. Made my way to school shortly after waking up, but I needed to go to Stop and Shop first to buy a notebook and pens because I honestly didn’t have any.

School start at 8am with my first class, Psychology. No students, no teacher, guy randomly comes in and tells us that we don’t have a teacher and that we will have one on Friday. Sweet deal I say, not having to do homework is a pretty good deal.

Second Class is my American Literature class, where we find out the teacher is still using the old book because no one informed her that they were switching to a new book, which pissed her off, but made us quite happy knowing that we wouldn’t have to do any work till at least Monday because she’d have to write an all new syllabus.

Break. Between my second and third classes I have an hour break to chill and do whatever I want really, and I ended up hanging out with Emily, because she had the same problem as me with her Psychology teacher not showing. We talked about everything that’s going on, and how her cat shit string because he’s gross.

Third class is World Literature, and we dive right into work. To start off the class we get introduced to the oldest piece of literature know, the story of Gilgamesh, a king in ancient Babylon. Later we find out we have to read 30 pages by Friday, which is no problem really… Until I fucked shit up.

Remember that 2 hours of sleep? It caught up to me, I fell asleep shortly after getting home from school and didn’t wake up until 3 in the morning. (Insert it’s now Thursday here), I spent most of the morning fumbling around on the internet until it was time to shower and go to work. On my commute into work I did most of my reading and most of the rest on the way home.

Work was good, I showed Carolyn and Steve the funnest game in the world, Void(); on Newgrounds.com. It’s extremely simple, but so addicting.

When I’m on my way home, I help my neighbor put her groceries away, not entirely sure why, I just did, and as I’m walking in the door Taylor calls me and asks me if I want to go shopping with him on Newbury street to help him find something for Maria. I say sure, throw my bag on the couch, turn around, jump back on the bus and head out.

Shopping ensues, I buy a new CD and a couple of toys, Taylor buys Maria a couple of books and the most epic present anyone could possibly give anyone, but that’s a surprise, so shhh.

I finally officially come home at about 8:30-9pm, needing to finish up all my reading, which I do, then head of to bed. (Insert it’s now Friday), I wake up at 6am, not so bad this time considering I was able to get to sleep at 10:30 the night before. On my way to school I decide I should probably have taken notes for the story I just read, which I managed to work on before and after all my classes during the breaks.

We only did a meet and greet with our Psychology teacher, American Lit was another sit and talk class, and World Lit we managed to talk a lot about Gilgamesh and most of the hot topics in the story. No real homework for the weekend, A bit of reading in the Jewish Bible, and just the first chapter for Psychology class, but no writing involved so I’m quite pleased about that.

Tonight I’m working on the Spirit for a 600person cruise for some middle school somewhere, and this is probably going to turn into being hell.

Saturday after work, Heather, Matt, Myself and Kristina all jumped in Heather’s car to head down to N.Attleboro to go shopping at the Emerald Square Mall. There really wasn’t much worth shopping there, nothing I saw stood out, but I picked up the couple things I needed to get. Kristina on the other hand, saw a Fredrick’s of Hollywood and freaked the hell out, grabbed me by the arm, and ran me to the store. She had never seen an actual Fredrick’s store before, so she was quite pleased to go shopping there, and bought the hottest red pajamas.

After the mall it was time for dinner, and looking for a non-full restaurant at 6:30-7pm is equal to fail, so instead of waiting there, we went to Bugaboo Creek in Braintree where Kristina checked out and was picked up by her boyfriend Juozas. Overall the food I have to say was shit. My food wasn’t cooked right, the cheese wasn’t melted, and our waitress didn’t really check up on us and give us their standard issue automatic re-fills. It’s the first time out of the at least 10 times I’ve gone there and had a bad experience.

As soon as we walked in the door though, It was time to Nerd it up some. Fred came over and I destroyed him in the first match. Second match Matt and Fred battled and I can’t remember who won that one and then matched 3-6 were 3 player matches, all of which I lost. Either way I’m pleased with how my decks worked and were put together, considering I put them together in all of 4 minutes.

Don’t sell shit. Period.

Tomorrow is work over Nana’s, and I need to get new tires on my bike. Other than that

Emily… You know <3

Heidi is doing better, although she still can't do much she is feeling better.

And I got some work done over Nana's today.

Tomorrow, Breakfast with Kathy.

Heidi was supposed to come home yesterday, then she was supposed to come home today, but her blood count wont stabilize, so she’s going to stay in the hospital until it does. Overall she’s better in the sense that she’s no longer officially dying, but the Kemo and the Lupus is limiting everything she does, she can only get up and walk around for a few minutes before getting tired again, so that’s something we’re looking at.

Again, updates and Info: 857-939-8223.

Heidi’s in the Hospital, and as of right now it’s not looking good.
857-939-8223 call me if you want more info.

So I’m walking and talking to Ashley, a random girl from Virginia, about her new boyfriend and how he’s a lot like Heather’s old boyfriend Ashton… He goes to goth clubs, he sells at them, he’s a nice guy…. He’s…. familiar to this ex-boyfriend of my sister…

Eventually she just stops me and is like, “What’s your sister’s name?” … “Heather” …. and her ex-boyfriend’s name? … “Ashton Synn” …

*WHAM*

She punches me in the arm and screams, “YOU SON OF A BITCH!!!” Soon she realized that I’m nice, and that Heather pretty much is a whore when it comes to the cheating on Ashton thing, but she calmed down and we got into talking about Ashton, Heather, what her work was like in D.C. and it ended on a high note.

Ashton even gave me a ride home, he’s mah homie G.

Today was a day off finally.

I saw House Bunny with Kathy and she was right, the movie sucked, but the tits were great!!!

Helped dad build stuff in the shed, then played mahjong with Tom, Taylor and his cousin.

Work Tomorrow 9:30am-6pm

Today was fun, worked down at the docks from 10a-3pm, doing the same thing again tomorrow. Odyssey was packed with just a ton a ton a ton of old people who didn’t want their pictures taken, but of the people who we did shoot, most of them did end up buying photos.

After work I went over to the Post Office to meet up with Mom. She still had to work another hour, so I crashed in the Conference Room for a good hour, woke up, went to dinner with her to The 99, then came home and changed quick.

Kristina wanted to go see a movie, and really really really wanted to see Batman. She somehow hadn’t seen it, I was there for my second trip, and It was just as packed and just as good as the first time I saw it… which was 2 weeks after it opened. We’re now 6 weeks in, and it’s still selling out the theaters.

As stated above, I have work tomorrow, then I’m going to meet Kathy at the Train Party!!