Rants From About The Empire
I haven’t done many updates on the empire recently, well, to be technical I don’t think I’ve actually done any updates on the empire, and to be even more truthful, I’m not even sure if I’ve ever even talked about the empire at all. Either way, I’m going to rant about it.
The Empire is a pile of crap. Fred keeps making us pay taxes for living and working in his Empire, however, being the unborn bacteria commonly found in cow shit that he is, he only wants us to pay him in, “unmarked life goal vouchers.” What in the fuck is one of those? It sounds like something you find in the bottom of a well after someone received one for jugging cats in the middle of a dog fighting ring with chicken tenders hanging off their testicles, to then realize it’s a shitty piece of paper so they threw it away along with their dignity.
And how the fuck are we going to pay taxes for this wretched empire if no one knows where the fuck it is? I could be standing in the center of it right now, or that massive shit I just took could have contained the entire empire, but because Fred doesn’t say shit about anything, we have to assume that yes, we are in his empire at all times and we never left it so that he doesn’t whine like a small child who’s mother was just run over by a van full of meth addicts. If I knew where the fuck this empire was I would probably be in work everyday 9-5 and not contemplating the fact that my Lord is a lunatic and I’m his fanatical side kid that he calls “Skippy.”
Also, he demands we work part time shifts according to his schedule, however, only Fred knows his fucking schedule and I’m not even sure I’ve worked a day in my life because he hasn’t even posted our work schedules. I’m sure Stalin didn’t control the USSR with an iron fist by praying everyone was telepathic and could read his mind so he wouldn’t have to announce his plans and have them explained in detail by some badger he calls a Commander. Fred needs to learn to announce his schedule and publish ours so that we’re not standing around confused like a bunch of nerds in a Lil’ Wayne music video.
Lastly and most importantly, what the fuck am I supposed to do to help the empire? There isn’t a damn thing that I do to help Fred and his empire much less myself. Sure plotting to take over the Heavens by killing God sounds great on paper, but then again we don’t have a ladder tall enough to scratch the ballsack of heaven much less pull a full assault on that Kingdom. At least King Henry had whores and farmers fucking him and harvesting his food at all times.
One of these days we’ll get this shit sorted out so I don’t have to rant about shit that doesn’t even exist, and maybe one day I’ll actually receive a damned paycheck instead of a fucking pat on the back.
Fred’s Follow Up:
Listen You will know what you need to know when you need to know it, I cannot be just giving out fucking secrets for you to go blabbing about to attempt to get into some girl(from the internet)’s pants because you think it makes you fucking special. That is all.
Your Emperor,
~Animalistic